Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
