omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
