I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
