I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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