There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
