best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wear drunk well.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
