I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dick has a subreddit
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
