i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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