and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
