Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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