sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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