They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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