I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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