I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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