Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
