Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
