Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
