I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize