yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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