She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I love you.
Bad choice
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
