i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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