take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
