i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
