i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
