this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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