you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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