we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
