There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
