I accidentally had phone sex last night
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize