i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
