He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
