You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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