Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
