I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
