i think my mom watched the whole time
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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