guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
