It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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