Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
