I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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