Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
