You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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