I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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