I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He passed out mid-signature
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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