I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You pole danced in your parka.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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