6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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