Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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