Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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