I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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