it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
