Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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