You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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