I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
