i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
