benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
