just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
