Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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