Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
