the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
