New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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