Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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