He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
