I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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