I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
