WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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