Sry I called you an 8
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Itâs just a penis. Itâs like every other penis except itâs not the one youâre married to. Ride it or donât ride it, but donât agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
