I just cut my nipple shaving
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
