I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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