yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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