I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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