He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
