He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
