the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
